


seijou's hoes

by animesukcs



Series: texts of the trash heap [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Established Relationship, M/M, Screenshots, Texting, kunimi loses his cool, too much talk about dicks i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-07-28 06:59:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7629895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/animesukcs/pseuds/animesukcs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yahaba leaves the group chat and all hell breaks loose.<br/>Kunimi just wants to sleep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	seijou's hoes

**Author's Note:**

> GUESS WHO'S BACK  
> also, there's a dick pic mentioned but not shown for obvious reasons. just- heads up.

_Yahaba has left inalienable champs_

**Kindaichi:**      senpai?

 **Iwaizumi:**      SHITTYKAWA  
                     WHAT  
                     THE

 **Matsukawa:**   shhhh

 **Hanamaki:**     shhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 **Matsukawa:**   there are children present

 **Hanamaki:**    don’t scar them anymore than you already have with your face

 **Iwaizumi:**      fuck you

 **Matsukawa:**   been there done that

 **Kindaichi:**       

 **Iwaizumi:**       …….oh my god

 **Matsukawa:**    multiple times

 **Hanamaki:**      lol

 **Iwaizumi:**        seriously?

 **Matsukawa:**   duh

 **Hanamaki:**      i can confirm

 **Matsukawa:**    ;)

 **Iwaizumi:**        can somebody please just remove them from the group chat

 **Kunimi:**          tbh

 **Matsukawa:**    ?????? rude

 **Watari:**           what happened to family friendly, huh? :D

 **Hanamaki:**     woah

 **Matsukawa:**    

 **Watari:**           and what on earth happened to Yahaba?

 **Matsukawa:**    ….watari??????

 **Hanamaki:**       WATARI

 **Matsukawa:**    SON

 **Hanamaki:**       CHILD

 **Matsukawa:**    WHERE HAVE U BEEN

 **Hanamaki:**      WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL US

 **Matsukawa:**    WE WERE WORRIED SICK

 **Watari:**           haha :)  
                      but honestly  
                      what happened to Yahaba?

 **Iwaizumi:**       OIKAWA

 **Oikawa:**          IWACHAN!!! 

**Iwaizumi:**       OIKAWA  
                      I SWEAR TO GOD

 **Oikawa:**           WHAT'S UP OMG  
                      I WAS GONE FOR LIKE 5 MIN TO GET MILK BREAD WHY ARE WE SCREAMING WHO DIED

 **Matsukawa:**    i think ur about to

 **Hanamaki:**      lol

 **Iwaizumi:**       WHAT DID YOU DO TO YAHABA

 **Oikawa:**          Iwa-chan!!! 

**Iwaizumi:**        just tell me what you fucked up this time so i can fix it

 **Oikawa:**          but 

 **Iwaizumi:**       SPILL TRASHYKAWA

 **Oikawa:**          why are you so mean omg!!!   
                      it  
                      was

 **Matsukawa:**    not!!

 **Hanamaki:**      you!!!

 **Matsukawa:**    lmao we know so chill

 **Oikawa:**          THANK YOU  
                       wait what

 **Iwaizumi:**        what

 **Watari:**            what?

 **Matsukawa:**     omg right lmao

 **Iwaizumi:**         you better tell me what’s going on or so help me

 **Hanamaki:**        haha or then what ;)

 **Matsukawa:**      ;) ;) ;) ;)

 **Kunimi:**           this is so ridiculous wow

 **Iwaizumi:**        WHAT  
                       HAPPENED

 **Matsukawa:**     lmao alright alright  
                        so

 **Hanamaki:**       yes

 **Matsukawa:**     u all know i’m a respectable member of society

 **Hanamaki:**       not tru but go on babe tell them

 **Matsukawa:**     fair enough  
                        well anyway

 **Hanamaki:**       yes

 **Matsukawa:**     so i was just u know  
                        chillin  
                        when suddenly

 **Hanamaki:**       cap you should probably remove the kids from the group for a sec

 **Oikawa:**            why?? 

 **Hanamaki:**      …..safety

 **Kindaichi:**       what happened? 

_Matsukawa has sent a picture_

**Oikawa:**          oh mY GO D

 **Hanamaki:**      told you lol

_Kyoutani has left inalienable champs_

**Matsukawa:**     lmao

 **Kindaichi:**        

 **Watari:**           ohhhhh my goodness

 **Iwaizumi:**       that is

 **Matsukawa:**    a dick. congrats

 **Hanamaki:**      back at it again with the great observation skills i see

 **Oikawa:**           ok but how is that dick so pretty

 **Matsukawa:**    …….really

 **Hanamaki:**      …..........really?

 **Iwaizumi:**       okay what the fuck oikawa

 **Oikawa:**         no buT SERIOUSLY IT IS  
                     I DON’T KNOW HOW A DICK CAN BE PRETTY BUT IT IS

 **Iwaizumi:**      why am i dating you again?

 **Hanamaki:**     well

 **Oikawa:**         Iwa-chan 

**Matsukawa:**   sb has to take one for the team obviously

 **Hanamaki:**     it’s for the greater good

 **Matsukawa:**   stay strong, hajime

 **Iwaizumi:**       why are you like this

 **Matsukawa:**    i came out to have a good time

 **Hanamaki:**     and i’m honestly feeling so attacked rn

 **Oikawa:**          SAME

 **Watari:**            alright but

 **Oikawa:**         woaH WATARI WHEN DID YOU GET HERE 

**Matsukawa:**    what is it child

 **Watari:**            why would Yahaba send you a dick pic?

 **Hanamaki:**      ikr  
                      who would send dick pics to that nerd

 **Matsukawa:**    D:  
                      babe

 **Oikawa:**           wAIT THIS ISN'T MATTSUN'S DICK BUT YAHABA'S???  
                      that explains so much

 **Iwaizumi:**        ….how does that explain anything?????

 **Matsukawa:**   wow

 **Hanamaki:**     shhhhh babe it’s ok your dick is pretty enough  
                      i love your dick

 **Matsukawa:**   babe 

 **Watari:**            I’m so confused?

_Matsukawa has sent a picture_

 

 **Watari:**          no way! 

                     seriously?

 **Kindaichi:**      

_Kyoutani has left inalienable champs_

**Oikawa:**         IS THIS REAL  
                     OH MY G OD

_Oikawa has added Yahaba to inalienable champs_

**Oikawa:**         YAHABACHAN

_Yahaba has left inalienable champs_

**Iwaizumi:**       oh my god

 **Oikawa:**         MADDOGCHAN  
                     wait where'd he go??

_Oikawa has added Kyoutani to inalienable champs_

**Oikawa:**         MADDOGCHAN

_Kyoutani has left inalienable champs_

_Oikawa has added Yahaba to inalienable champs_

_Yahaba has left inalienable champs_

**Oikawa:**          HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS

_Oikawa has added Yahaba to inalienable champs_

_Oikawa has added Kyoutani to inalienable champs_

**Yahaba:**          ughhhhhh

 **Matsukawa:**   lol

 **Hanamaki:**     lol

 **Oikawa:**         YAHABACHAN WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US

 **Watari:**          seriously though…

 **Yahaba:**          

 **Oikawa:**         YOU NEED TO TELL US THOSE THINGS

                      YOU TOO MADDOGCHAN

 **Kyoutani:**       no offense but this really isn’t your business

 **Kunimi:**           NO OFFENSE BUT

                      CAN YOU KINDLY ALL SHUT UP NOW

                      IM TRYING TO SLEEP JFC

 **Matsukawa:**    

 **Hanamaki:**      

 **Kunimi:**          WOW AMAZING

 **Watari:**            

 **Oikawa:**          

 **Kunimi:**          SEXTING

                      BOYFRIENDS

 **Iwaizumi:**        

 **Kunimi:**           WE ALL SUCK DICK ON A REGULAR BASIS CAN WE STOP ACTING LIKE THIS IS A BIG DEAL

**Kyoutani:**

**Kindaichi:**       haha true :)

 **Kunimi:**            AND NOW EVERYONE SHUT UP

                      THANK YOU

 **Yahaba:**           

 **Matsukawa:**    nooooo way

 **Oikawa:**          WHAT

 **Hanamaki:**      nooOOOOO

 **Kunimi:**           ...jfc

 **Oikawa:**          WHAT IS IT TODAY OH MY GOD

 **Matsukawa:**    KINDAICHI BABY

 **Hanamaki:**      MY BABY BIRD

 **Matsukawa:**    MY LITTLE LAMB

 **Hanamaki:**      MY TREASURED TURNIP

 **Matsukawa:**    YOUR INNOCENCE HAS BEEN STOLEN

 **Hanamaki:**      YOU HAVE BEEN RUINED

 **Oikawa:**            

**Kindaichi:**        ALRIGHT I AM GAY

 **Hanamaki:**       this is amazing

 **Kindaichi:**        SO WHAT

                       DEAL WITH IT

 **Iwaizumi:**        yeah i'd kinda guessed when you tried to kissed me that one time

 **Oikawa:**           OMG

 **Matsukawa:**     this is a piece of art

 **Kunimi:**           for me* ffs

 **Kindaichi:**        IM GAY FOR KUNIMI

 **Hanamaki:**        i am going to screenshot print and frame this conversation and hang it on my wall

 **Matsukawa:**      i am going to get this conversation tattooed on my ass and have takahiro read it to me every day for the rest of my life

 **Oikawa:**            i am going to have a priest recite this conversation while they lower my gay ass into the ground omg

 **Hanamaki:**        now that’s a little too extreme don’t you think

 **Matsukawa:**     srsly oikawa get a grip

_Oikawa has changed the name of the chat to seijou's hoes_

**Iwaizumi:**          i don’t even know why i am in this group chat anymore

**Author's Note:**

> so this happened?? um. yeah  
> i apologize for the title, i couldn't think of any more puns and i just OTL sorry  
> LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF ALL THIS OK  
> (also hmu on tumblr if you wanna chat!! @stopanime2k16)


End file.
